I am back and exercising but, I admit it - i fell off the wagon, so much so that I couldn't even be bothered to make a new year's resolution to exercise or self improve in any manner whatsoever. It wasn't that I had any really good reason, simply that I had a complete loss of motivation, at all levels. It wasn't depression, more of an ennui with perhaps a soupçon of despair at ever developing a lifestyle change that really was. One couldn't help but consider how many years (and they are many) of struggle and travail have gone into exercising without truly embracing daily exercise and healthy eating as a part of who I am. This despite the fact that there really are times I enjoy exercise and feel on top of the world during and after BUT, it is not a core element that defines me. Maybe I must accept that.
Perhaps it is the struggle itself that is of most value and the physical elements actually pale by comparison with the spiritual aspects of the "journey". I don't know. The point though is that I simply stopped doing anything active for a few weeks, perhaps I needed a real break. Now I am back on the treadmill - literally, not metaphorically. I am not sure that my motivation has really come back but for some reason I have picked myself up and started to work out again. Yesterday a fair weights session, today a decent jog indoors and I'm pretty sure there will be more tomorrow and beyond.
Perhaps, this return reflects that the lifestyle has become more innate within me after all, hmmm, with that hopeful thought I wish all good struggles.
p.s. I know there are a load of cliches - they are on purpose - honest, consider it part of my dissipating ennui if you must, I just thought they were apropos for this post.
No comments:
Post a Comment